Ugh

I'm having a rough few days. Yesterday morning I took the girls with me to the fabric store (I'm going to attempt to sew myself a nursing cover - should be interesting, since I have yet to take my new sewing machine out of the box), and overall it went fine. It was kind of a hassle to juggle the car seat, bags of stuff I bought, and try to hold hands in the parking lot, but it wasn't a total disaster for our first outing without extra help. However, Marissa has been giving me trouble about taking a normal nap, and just generally throwing more fits and is harder to deal with lately. I know it's a big transition for her, just as much as it is for us. And that makes me just wanna forget all our rules and scoop her up, hug her, and let her do/have whatever she wants. But I'm trying so hard to stick to my guns, not compromise, and keep things steady and consistent with discipline. And I know that I need to have some sort of balance with those two extremes, but it's hard to find that line. She is usually independent, but always was willing to discuss things and come to an agreement about what's going on (mainly because I only give her choices that I will be fine with whatever she chooses). But the past few days she has not even really been able to listen to my side of things and just totally set in her mind about what's going to happen. It's so not like her, and it makes me sad that things are changing. I know we did everything on all the lists to prepare her for all of this, but it's still upsetting that she is having a hard time right now. I know it will get better, and she will go back to being the well-behaved child she used to be. She still loves Arianna, and hasn't shown any signs of resentment towards her. She's also still better than some 2-year olds are to begin with. She's just becoming more difficult to reason with, and I'm not used to that! But it makes me so sad every time I have to tell her to wait, or that I can't do a certain thing, because I'm nursing Arianna (every hour). "Mommy, wanna play with me?"

I'm also totally exhausted. Not sleep deprived at all (9 hours in a row is just fine, thank you!). Just worn out. There is NO down time. NO time to just relax. I forgot how easy just having Marissa was. Between Marissa talking non-stop, any time she's awake (and even in her sleep), and always having to be ready to nurse Arianna (oh the PAIN! Why won't it go away?!), plus ALL this ridiculous laundry that I can't seem to catch up on...it's a bit overwhelming. But I know it will get better, I will get used to the way things are, and I know I'll never catch up on laundry.

All this to say...I love my girls. I love our little family. I just needed a place to let out my feelings.