Well, we've been homeschooling for about a month now! It's going better than I expected with Marissa, and about what I expected with Arianna and Roman. I was expecting Marissa to fight me more when I asked her to work on things, but that really hasn't been much of an issue. She's interested in just about everything we work on, and works hard and relatively efficiently. We're on week 5 of Classical Conversations material, and so far I really love the program and community. We meet once a week, on Fridays, and Marissa's tutor goes over the new material for the following week, do a science project and art/music, and reviews previous weeks' material. Arianna and Roman do great in the nursery, and I enjoy talking with the other moms while we observe the class. It's challenging for me to learn the material, and fun for us to memorize it together. We have the CD of everything in the car, and even Arianna is picking up on a lot of it! We have separate phonics and math books, and they seem to be just about right for Marissa.
We start each day with breakfast and Super Why. Then we head downstairs to the schoolroom/playroom. Marissa and I work at the desk, and Arianna and Roman have a little table and play area. We work on memorizing the CC material, and learning map locations for CC. Then a few pages of math (she likes to do more sometimes!) and then some phonics/writing practice. I have her read word families, and we're reinforcing short vowel sounds right now. Then she writes sentences for some of the words we read, or I give her a "spelling test" with some of the words we read. Then (if Arianna and Roman let us have time) we expand on a subject. We've been making a science book about all the classifications of animals. This gives her a chance for some crafting (her favorite thing ever!) and is a little more fun than just memorizing the facts (which we get from CC). Usually by this time, Arianna and Roman are no longer playing nicely, so we head upstairs for free play before lunch. I try to keep them busy with puff ball games, coloring, balls, trains, and Arianna practices her letters on a white board or uses her alphabet tracing notebook. But this only lasts so long! It's definitely the most challenging aspect of homeschooling so far!
After lunch, I put Arianna and Roman down for nap (although Arianna seems to be getting out of this need, boohoo!), and Marissa and I have a while to ourselves. She does typing lessons on the computer, and we sometimes explore different areas on our globe and google information about it. Or she'll pick a topic she's interested in lately, and we'll explore that. One week we went to the Butterfly House at a local gardens, and so we researched Monarchs and everything about them. One day she informed me she wanted to learn how electricity works, so we attempted to figure that out. Lol. She wanted to learn how to tell time on an analog clock, so we've been working on that, and she plays a clock game on the computer to work on that. There's also tutorials and songs for CC material online, so we take some time to listen to those and work through the tutorials. Then she gets some free time on the computer while I get some free time, and her school day is over!
Today is Tuesday, which means I'm watching A (3 like Arianna) and R (5 months) for some friends. It means extra crazy days, and less actual school time, but we make up for it throughout the week. Right now I got all 4 younger kids down for nap (who knows if Arianna's actually sleeping though!), and Marissa is on the computer so I have some time to breathe. Haha. It's definitely challenging, but one day a week is definitely do-able, and they're good kids.
Roman is finally saying lots of words and getting a super funny personality, and it's so fun! He says bear, deer, doggie, ball, car, snack (na), mac (ma), mommy, daddy, bowl, and some others that I can't think of right now. He actually learned MINE today, from Arianna of course. Haha! He's so funny (especially around the baby) and still loves playing any kind of ball game, and driving his little cars around. He can be so goofy, and loves running around and crawling around (like jaguars) with the girls.
Arianna's still struggling with poop issues. But I'm not pursuing any kind of fix right now, just hoping time will help. She's so smart though, and I love watching her learn the CC stuff with us. She's getting really good at writing the letter A, and is very interested in writing her name.
Well, naptime is almost over and I need to prep for dinner tonight!

End of summer

Well, the summer's pretty much over already! This Friday starts our first Classical Conversations (CC) day, and officially kicks off our year of homeschooling for Marissa!We just finished up a fun weekend with Granny and Poppop, only a week after an extended trip to NY to visit with Grandma, Grandpa, Great-Grandma, and Rara. My PA grandparents, aunt and uncle from NH, and my brother and his wife also all drove to NY to visit while we were there. It's been a fun month of relatives, and we haven't had much downtime at all!
In NY, we spent a lot of time at the pool in the neighborhood that I grew up in, where my Grandma still lives. It felt so weird to go back there after all these years, and spend the afternoon swimming again! This year, by the end of our visit, all 3 kids finally started loving the water! Marissa finally gave up her floaties (after much convincing, and some "accidental" deflating - she hasn't actually needed them for a while), Arianna finally gave up on hysterical screaming, and Roman couldn't keep his face out of the water (as long as there was a ball nearby). I drove the kids out by myself (Dan used so much vacation time for Disney & Nicaragua, that he didn't have any left), and it went much better than I expected. We only stopped for dinner and gas, and made it in great time! The kids did great, and I didn't even go crazy! We spent one day at Toughannock State Park and ate lunch by the water, played on the playground, and hiked up to the falls with the kids.
Roman learned a bunch of new words while we were in NY (mail, bear, deer, birdie, fish, rara, and "grandma, grandpa" which both sound like rara, but he knew the difference). Just this week he also started saying car and poppop. He's still completely obsessed with all types of balls and games with balls. He now sleeps with a soft ball, and practices kicking and throwing balls against the walls. He's crazy good for a 20 month old (?!) and since I know I'm going to have to watch him play sports the rest of his life, I'm just glad he's so cute :-) He also discovered running while we were in NY, and he holds one arm sideways across his chest and runs so crazy!
Arianna's still having digestion issues, which means she's back in pull-ups so I don't go crazy. Wish we could figure this girl out, but I have a feeling we never will. She does everything 100% and all her emotions are extreme. I'm hoping we can do some school stuff with her and figure out how she works. Haha!
Marissa is excited about homeschooling, and we've started making a list of everything she wants to learn this year! I hope I'm up for the challenge...
I guess that's all for now!

Happy 4th!

Either life is too busy or I'm too lazy to keep this up. One or the other is true all the time. So I'll just start!
Yesterday I went shopping for 6 hours by myself. It was glorious. It was my treat because I survived 8 days of single parenting while Dan was in Nicaragua on a missions trip with church. I have quite a bit of birthday money, and I'm actually spending it slowly this time, instead of the usual "spend it all in one day then return things because I'm indecisive" thing I usually do. We also went to see fireworks with some friends last night til 11pm and the kids are all soooo tired today!
The month of June was crazy. Marissa had her last day of school and a school program. We had a few weeks of nothing, then we DROVE to Disney World with Dan's parents and bro & sis-in-law for a week. The kids did SO GREAT, and it was so much fun. But it was exhausting! Then we drove back through the night on Friday, and Dan left for Nicaragua Saturday morning for 8 days. It was hard to be without him, but my college roommate (Laureann) came for a few days with her two boys, and we had dinner with some friends, so that helped break it up. We have this week to catch up from that, and then next week is VBS (I'm watching babies again of course), the next week is "practicums" for me and Marissa to prepare for Classical Conversations homeschooling which starts the middle of August. And after practicums, I'm driving the kids to NY for a few weeks for an extended visit with everyone. I'm really excited about that visit, just not so much about the 9 hours of driving with no adult backup! Dan's taken so much time off from work in June that he just can't take any more yet.
Marissa's adjusting to being at home all day (and so am I). The kids play really well together most of the time, and when they're not, they're fighting of course! Marissa is in massive craft mode still, and makes the most creative things out of paper and tape. Lol. Arianna is doing pretty well with potty training - although we reverted to wearing a pullup all the time because of her ongoing poop issues. She's still on Miralax everyday, which usually does the trick, but for some reason it's not always perfect. Roman got a hold of her cup yesterday (while I was shopping, and Dan didn't realize which color cup was hers), and poor Roman had a miserable day with lots of nasty diapers! Arianna's talking so well, and copying Marissa like crazy. She knows all her letters and sounds, and busts out the most hilarious phrases, directly imitating the things Dan and I say (it's a good thing they're not bad phrases!). Roman still really only says "mommy" "ball" and barks and quacks. But he's trying. We're going to a class for him since he qualifies for help, but I'm not really sold on it, and am trying to get in-home help instead.
Roman and Arianna play like crazy together. And usually Arianna ends up knocking him down or injuring him in some way. While Dan was in Nicaragua, they were running down the hall, and A bumped R and he ran smack into the corner of the mudroom doorway with his forehead. It was BAD immediately, and I considered taking him to get stitches. It was super swollen but didn't really bleed very much, and it's scabbed over pretty well, so I think he's ok. But it was scary! He's still super sweet and cuddly, and such a wonderful sleeper. But he's definitely showing his age (19mo) lately...tantrums are starting!
This morning I turned in my weekly editing work for probably the last time ever! Between my vacations and their schedule and the ending of remote reviewers anyways, I am probably done. It was the most wonderful job for this time in my life and I loved the flexibility of it. But I will be soooo glad to have my evenings free after the kids go to bed!
I think that's all I can think of to update on. Wish I could have made the time to chronicle in detail our Disney trip, but at least we have pictures to remember it by! Maybe someday (in my free time - ha!) I'll get back to updating this more regularly. For now, I'm glad I at least do it once in a while.

MAY?!

Well, it's May, and Marissa only has 3 weeks left of school! This month is going very fast, especially when I think about how we're going to Disney in the middle of June - stress! We told the girls a few weeks ago, and they are excited, although I don't think they know just how much they should be excited. Haha! Marissa turned 6 and is seeming so old lately!

Recently, Wee Praise sang in church on a Sunday night. It's 3-5 year olds, and Arianna recently joined them when she turned 3. So Marissa and Arianna are in the same class Sunday nights, and we got to watch them sing a few songs on the stage. It was Arianna's first time singing on stage, and it was hilarious! She was wiggling and moving all around, playing with the giant floor speakers, and then she discovered that they were projecting video feed of them singing up on the wall behind them! It was so funny to watch her do all the motions, while looking everywhere except in front of her. Lol. We got a little of it on video. But I'm so sad we didn't catch the end on video, because it was by far the best part! After they finished their last song, everyone in the audience clapped, so the kids started clapping for themselves. Then once it was completely silent and they started to herd the kids off the stage, Arianna yelled "Yay, I did it Mommy!" We just about died laughing, but she was so proud!

Lately, Arianna and Roman have been playing kind crazily together. And Arianna has started to call him "Stinky Pee" - which is evidence that Toy Story 2 is one of her favorite movies. Haha! How is it possible that Roman is almost 18 months old?! This is the longest I've ever not been pregnant or trying. Marissa was 16 months when I had my first miscarriage, shortly after I had the 2nd miscarriage, then Arianna, and then I got pregnant with Roman when Arianna was 12 months old. Wow, my poor body. Lol.

Right now both little ones are sleeping, and I'm resting. I think I hurt my neck/back while painting, and I can't afford to wait to finish painting! Yesterday I couldn't move my head to the right at all, but it's slightly better today. So far, since Saturday, I've done 3 coats of primer over the bright/dark orange in the basement playroom. It's a really hard color to cover! Now it's time to start the pretty gray, but I know the gray will need at least 2 coats, if not 3. It's kinda overwhelming, but it will be so worth it to have a pretty room to use for homeschooling in the fall. We will be doing Classical Conversations, which is also overwhelming, but I'm excited to see how it all works and I'm sure I will be learning just as much as Marissa! She is also excited, but I'm slightly nervous about having that many hours in a day to fill with her. I'm hoping we can establish some sort of routine that helps break up the day.

For the month of May, I'm watching 2 little boys, 2 days a week. A is 3 just like Arianna, and R is barely 2 months old. It's definitely a challenge, but a good one, and it's nice to have spending money. They come to our house, so it's easy that way, and the 3 year olds play well together. The baby is pretty easy too, and I'm still able to get everyone to take a nice long nap in the afternoons at the same time! Both Arianna and Roman are obsessed with the baby, especially Roman, and it's so funny to watch them watch the baby. It surprised me how easy I've been able to add these 2 boys to our family on those days, and it only reaffirms that I still eventually want one more baby. We'll see how that goes :-)

We recently purchased all the materials to make another shelf and a base for under the drying rack in the laundry room. I've designed them both completely on my own, and I really hope my measurements make sense when it comes time to assemble them! We finally cut them all to size, and once I paint them white, we can figure out how to put them together. Should be interesting.

Arianna went for a while where she did so awesome with going potty! It was such a relief, and I almost didn't take extra clothes for her to church on Sunday...well, she's had several (bad) accidents since then, and I'm back to being frustrated! I just keep reminding myself that I know she can do it, so eventually she will. The only funny part in all this is when she's trying not to poop, she stands on one leg and says she's being a flamingo. Lol. So we just told her no more being a flamingo!

Oh, I finally (after 9 years of wearing the engagement ring) got my rings sized down! They've been so loose and falling off, but I always thought (hoped) I'd gain weight when I was pregnant, so I didn't want to make them smaller. Well, obviously that didn't happen, so we finally just did it. It was NOT cheap, since that part of the warranty had run out, but so worth it! I never knew rings could be so comfortable! I barely even notice I'm wearing them anymore, and very rarely take them off for anything. I ended up going down two sizes, so it's a 4 now. I've been looking for a nice cute (cheap) ring to wear on my right hand for a while now, but obviously no one, and I mean NO ONE, sells rings that size! I'll have to special order it, which is stupid. Why don't small people have as much variety as fat people do?! I wanted to buy a shirt from Sears the other day, but it only came in S, M, L, and XL. What happened to XS, people?! Ugh, so frustrating. Not that I want to be this tiny, but I don't have a choice. And I feel like there's no place to vent about it, because everyone I know is trying to lose weight, or exercise and eat healthy. So what kind of person would I be if I said "I'm really trying hard to gain some weight, add calories to my diet, whine whine whine"?! Guess that's just what happens when I'm not pregnant or breastfeeding. Annoying.

Anyways, guess that's all for now!

Potty, DIYing, gorilla

Somehow it's the middle of March already, although it feels like the middle of May. Beautiful weather lately! The girls and I were outside yesterday afternoon for a while - I was trying to take apart a pallet (future DIY project) and they were drawing with sidewalk chalk while Roman finished his nap. You know it's nice outside if I'm willing to be out there
I've been thinking of tons of things lately that I wanted to blog about. But do you think I can remember any of them right now? Lol. Of course not. I'll do my best as I go though...I don't want these years to go by in a fog and not have any way to remember them!
Arianna has been having some difficulty with going potty lately. It's so frustrating because I KNOW she can do it. But instead of going to the bathroom or telling us she has to go, she just runs to a corner and does her business (both!). I feel like I've tried everything, and she's just so stubborn. Right now she's had a few good days, but Sunday was the worst because she pooped in her underwear while we were at the park before church. It was so messy, and of course I didn't have any wipes for some reason. Ugh. Anyways, if she goes all day staying clean and dry, she gets a cupcake (we're saving them in the freezer). And I also took away her new pony undies, and she'll get them back when she stops making messes. She knows all the right answers, and knows when she has to go. I just don't know what's going on with that girl.
Other than that, she is so joyful and sweet most of the time. Lately she's been asking everyone "are you happy" over and over, all the time, even if it's obvious we ARE happy, but especially when we're upset about something (like a potty accident...). It's so sweet and insightful, that I feel bad that we react the way we do. But we do our best to assure her we still love her, we're just sad about her accident, etc. But she asks Marissa and Roman too, and me and Dan at the most random times. It's so funny, and now she knows it. She's talking like crazy, and it's hard to believe we ever had any worries about her language development. She even read the words "cat" and "dad" the other day by sounding out each letter then smushing them together. I was shocked, and really didn't help her all that much. It's so reassuring that she's not behind and is so smart already!
We have officially decided to homeschool Marissa. We haven't registered or done any of the "official" stuff yet, but I have a feeling we need to do it soon. It's still very overwhelming to me, but I'm excited to see how it goes. Marissa is also excited about homeschooling, and I think it'll go well once we get into a swing of things. I'm also excited to design a beautiful playroom/schoolroom space in the basement I've spent probably way too much time on it, but it will make a huge difference to me as the "teacher" if the space is soothing, pretty, organized, and functional. IKEA here I come!
Last week Marissa asked for a real cell phone for her birthday. She said "Antonio has one" and that "he's in charge" at his house. Lol. We told her that it would definitely be a LONG time before she ever got her own cell phone. But it was pretty funny.
Roman is beginning to talk like crazy. He says "bear" everytime we go in his room, because the giant bear is on the bed in there. He mainly just says the "b" sound, but it sounds different depending on what b-word he's saying. He's so stinking happy, and has started to know exactly what to do when I want to take his picture. He grins at the camera so well, even though it doesn't last very long. But today he started doing the squinty grin, and Arianna is still stuck in that phase too. Lol, should make for interesting Easter pics in a few weeks here!
I had some time off work (end of the month wrap up in the office), so Dan helped me put up a cool shelf in the laundry room. We installed some 2x4s on each side of the washer/dryer nook. I had found some sliding closet doors for free off craigslist, so Dan cut one down to size with his table saw, I painted it, and we slid it right over the 2x4s. It makes a huge table surface for folding laundry, and it's about an inch above the washer/dryer tops, so it doesn't shake like crazy whenever they're on. I've got many other plans for the laundry room, but not as much time to work on it when I have "work" to do. I also spent a lot of time on my wall plaques that I'm painting. They were dollar store floral 10" square plaques, but I painted them all white, and then each one gets a different geometric design. I'm imitating some wall stickers I saw on someone's blog that they bought at Home Goods (We just got a new one - I need to go!), but I could never find them to buy for myself. They've turned out really well so far, and I love looking at something I created out of ugly stuff! It's made me addicted to craigslist though. We recently made a good chunk of money off stuff on craigslist, so I've been obsessively checking it every day to see if there's anything I could use/change/make for cheap. The hard part is deciding if it's junk or something I can work with. Haha!
We're going to Disney in June with the in-laws, and we haven't told the girls yet! We'll surprise them sometime before we start packing, so they know they need to be excited! But I've already been thinking ahead and researching everything possible about the trip, from flip flops (for me), double stroller/single, sunscreen and anything else I can think of. I'm very excited about it, and I know the girls will love it. I'm a little worried about how Roman will do just because 18 months is a hard age, but the adults will outnumber the kids, so I'm sure we can handle it! It's overwhelming to plan though, which is why I'm starting early!
I think I've covered just about everything I wanted to, except for Roman and the gorilla. One Valentine's Day when we were in college, Dan bought me a stuffed gorilla that plays the drums and sings. Marissa used to be terrified of it as a baby. We recently found it in our closet, and discovered that Roman was also terrified of it! It was hilarious, because he'd point to it, but then snuggle up with us like it would eat him or something. But after a while of that, suddenly he decided he loved it! Now he points to it, goes "eh, eh" and grins like a fool when we turn it on. He carries it around upstairs, and puts his fingers in the mouth as it sings. Yesterday he even imitated the singing and I swear he said "ooooohhh yeah baby" just like the gorilla does. I love that boy, and this age!
Well, I finished this early, so I still have some "naptime" to myself. Hmmm, laundry...or pinterest

Random - February

I just accomplished something I'd been dreading for almost 3 years: Arianna is potty trained! From the time she was a 4-month old crawler and an 8-month old walker, I knew it would be a LOT different from potty training Marissa. With Marissa, I had tried a few times early on, but she just wasn't getting it, and I was hugely pregnant, so it wasn't ideal anyways. But when she was almost 3, one Sunday she was in diapers, and the very next Monday she was completely dry in underwear and could go hours in between. It was incredible. But from day 1, Arianna has been SO very different from Marissa, and after the months of drama surrounding her breastfeeding, and then Roman being born (and the week I stayed in the NICU with him), I knew she could never be potty trained as easily as Marissa. But I'm ashamed to admit, I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly she succeeded! We started last Monday, Jan. 30th. I just put her in underwear and we stayed off the carpet/couch as much as possible. She had several accidents, but also a few successes, which gave me hope. I was extremely happy to slap a diaper on her for naptime and bedtime though! On Tuesday, she pooped in the potty, and didn't have any accidents all day, and that was that! She was awesome at church Wednesday night, and lasted a whole hour in the car on Thursday. She did have at least one accident at church on Sunday (it's a long time, and her teachers change partway through, so who knows if they even knew she was wearing underwear til it was too late), but she has been so awesome! She gets a jelly bean every time she succeeds, and her love language is jelly beans, so that really motivates her! Haha. The only problem we have now is she wants to "try" about every 2 minutes! She really does pee a lot, but definitely doesn't need to every 2 minutes. Hopefully this problem resolves itself soon because she still needs help in there, and it's hard to drop everything (dinner prep, changing R's diaper, etc) every 2 minutes to chase her to the bathroom! I'm just so proud of her though, and she suddenly seems so old to me! It's hard to believe she will be 3 this month. Seems like she was just born, and was my crazy mobile baby. She is still crazy, but so hilarious and random and entertaining. I've been able to say I have 2 kids 2 and under for a while, which just seemed crazy. But almost 6, 3, and ~1.5 sounds a little more sane! (Are we insane for driving them to Disney this summer? Please tell me no...lol)

Arianna and Marissa have been playing together really well lately (a lot less refereeing on my part!). Marissa decided (on her own) that she would teach Arianna the ABC's and the sounds the letters make. I found them one night (reading before bed) with an ABC book on Marissa's lap, and Arianna repeating letters and sounds after her. It's so cute, and Arianna knows all her letters and 17 of their sounds! Marissa thinks she's Arianna's personal teacher, and Arianna loves it too. The other day Marissa said to Arianna "Was that fun or what?!" and Arianna replied "Um, what!"

Arianna has started to pick up on Marissa's sense of imagination. Both of them could sit for hours with a few toy figures or animals and pretend the most elaborate scenarios. It's so entertaining to listen to!

Roman is an absolute joy these days. He is so stinking sweet, sometimes coming over to me simply to get a hug/kiss or lay his head on my shoulder. He is so happy, and babbles and plays by himself with a smile on his face. He laughs and giggles excitedly when I ask him if he wants to go upstairs, or if he's ready to eat lunch. He runs over to his booster seat at the table if I tell him to go get in his seat. He repeats "baby" all the time, and used to say "ball" too, but won't anymore. He high fives like crazy. He and Arianna play the goofiest games, and he loves when she gets rough with him. Haha. He's pretty tough, and falls down a lot, but always gets right back up and barely cries. He is still an awesome sleeper. He now starts his nap at 12:30, right after lunch, and I don't hear a peep from him until at least 3:30, sometimes 4. Then he's ready for bed around 7:30, and sleeps straight through (most nights) until I get him out of bed (sometimes I have to wake him up!) at 8:30. If he wakes up at night crying, he usually falls back asleep on his own within minutes, but if he doesn't, all it takes is a few minutes of cuddling and when I put him back down, he cries for a second then falls back asleep. It's so nice to get 8 full hours of sleep almost every night! Every time I look at him, I'm surprised at how big and old he's getting - 14 months already?! I want him to always be my baby, but sometimes when I look at him I see a toddler coming out.
We are again considering homeschooling Marissa this coming year. She has not learned much this year at school, and when we ask her each day what she learned, her answer is usually "I didn't learn anything, I already knew it all" from when I homeschooled her last year for "preschool." She enjoys school, and has a few very good friends (got her first marriage proposal too!), but we think she would really exceed with more challenges than she's getting this year (Dan and I have both seen firsthand what they are working on, and she literally does already know most of the things they are learning). I'm having a hard time agreeing, not because I think it's the wrong thing to do, but because of selfish reasons: curriculum stress/overwhelming, paper/supplies clutter, and our personalities clashing/my patience. I love her to death, but we're a lot alike. Lol. Dan is also interested in "classical" education, and that's also overwhelming to me. So we'll see where this all takes us.

Right now, Marissa is in MAJOR craft mode. She will take whatever scraps of paper we have around, take some glue, stickers, and crayons, and work on a masterpiece for HOURS! She is so creative, and loves to display her artwork...and I'm running out of places to store it! Lol.

Lately it seems as if EVERYONE I know is starting a blog. Just when I barely update mine anymore. I wish I could make myself post more often, because I love going back to read about my life...but it seems like I just keep getting LESS time to myself

Weaned

I accidentally weaned Roman during the process of getting my wisdom teeth out. I knew it was a risk I was taking, which is why I waited til he was past 1, but I still thought we'd make it. I was nervous about nursing him while I was taking vicodin, so I only did a little bit, when it was mostly run out and time for a new dose. He hadn't been nursing that much anyway, so he barely noticed. Well I finished the vicodin, and was only taking tylenol or ibuprofen, but he wasn't really asking to nurse much, so I kinda forgot about it. I still offered a few times, and he nursed then. But then one of those times, he suddenly didn't know what to do! He just kinda bit me, and looked at me funny. I gave up, and thought I'd try again another time. The next day he did the same thing, and now he's completely stopped asking. I'm so sad about, mainly because I wasn't prepared! But also because I nursed the girls for much longer (M for 16 months and A for 29 months). And especially because Dan doesn't want any more kids and I really love nursing my babies.
I'm trying to see the positive (wear normal clothing without having to be prepared to nurse everywhere), but it's hard right now. It's a very emotional change - I'd been constantly nursing for 34 months! My baby boy is growing up and suddenly seems so old.