zqhjkngfderfiolkpmnbdswdcgv!!!

Spotting last night. Doctor's this morning. No more heartbeat. Baby was the same gestational age as the miscarriage this past summer: 8 weeks, even though I'm supposed to be 11 weeks. Heard a heartbeat both times, and then poof. It's gone. Possible D&C on Wednesday, or I might wait til after our Christmas trip to Georgia.

Nurses gave me a hug. Rissa gave me kisses and patted my back as I sobbed. She kept asking if I had a boo-boo. Dan's out of town til tomorrow. It's a good thing I have her to cheer me up. No posts til after Christmas. I need some time to myself.

Ooops

Ooops, I've been slacking on this blog. Xanga takes too much of my time, and I forget to update here. Sorry :-)

Since it's been so long, I'll do a bulleted post:

• I'm pregnant! EDD is July 4, 2008 (when my mom was pregnant with me, she was due July 4, but I was born June 22 - so cool to get a baby for my birthday!). I'm almost 10 weeks now, and I've been feeling awful since 6 weeks, 1 day. No actual "getting sick" but I've felt like it for basically 4 weeks now. So fun. Lol. I had my first appointment last week, and got to see and hear little Baby Blob #2. I'm still very nervous after the miscarriage this summer, but so far things are looking better this time around.
• I'm officially DONE WORKING! YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEE! My last day was Monday. Marissa keeps asking for the kids - they played so well together. But it's so nice not to have to watch them anymore. It was just becoming too chaotic. Plus, preschoolers bug the crap outta me, so I need to focus on developing Marissa into a preschooler who will NOT bug the crap outta me!
• Marissa is 19 months old already! I just can't believe it. Last week she discovered how to pull her pants down, and in the process, pull her diaper off. So now every time I put her down to sleep, I check her soon after to make sure she isn't going to pee all over everywhere. Lol.
• Thanksgiving in NY was so much fun. The long drives not so much, but having zillions of people who were dying to see Marissa and play with her - it was wonderful to just sit around like a bum cuz I felt so nasty. And Marissa learned names very quickly this visit. Grandpa = Bah-bah, Grandma = MOM (I think I didn't model "Grandma" enough, and called my mom "Mom" too much - lol), my bro Jeff = JESS! (she was in love with him! so cute!). She warmed up very quickly to all the relatives she doesn't see very often, and was the perfect entertainment for everyone and she knew it. Lol.I almost forgot to mention this: Marissa can count to 10! Rach was trying to distract her in the car the other day, and we randomly discovered it. We have no idea how she learned it though. Lol. She says about 7-8 numbers after the correct number before we even say them. I need to catch it on video soon. She knows it's cool too. Hehe. 8, 9, and 10 are the most exciting for her. Lol. She must be smart cuz we definitely never counted to 10 with her before. It's just amazing at what kids can pick up on their own!

She's also picking up a lot more words lately:
pull
open (sounds exactly like apple, context is a must for this one!)
yo = yogurt
yo = phone (another context thing)
ba-da-ba-da-BAY-ooo = we have NO idea! She says this alllllll the time! First she calls our names to get our attention, then says it very emphatically. It's driving me nuts!
La la la la = her singing book

And of course I can't think of any more for now. But she's a ball of energy and full of funny things to say and do. I only wish I had the energy to keep up these days! She's been getting bored with her toys, I can tell, and I can only do so much since I feel so awful. Hopefully after Christmas, with a bunch of new toys, she'll calm down some.

Well, she is tickling my toes right now, so I'd better go :-)

*Insert BIG GRIN here*

If you recall, not too long ago I was so desperate for Marissa to take a good nap that I climbed into her crib with her. Well, drumroll please...

Marissa is sleeping like an angel for bedtime AND naptime! After several weeks of the bedtime routine, she's been doing amazing. So the other day I decided to do the bedtime routine for naptime too. And whatdya know - it worked! I hold off nursing her right before noon, which is when she used to fall asleep, but not stay asleep. So after lunch (12:45, this girl eats slowly!) I change her diaper, read her a "boo" (book) and tell her it's night-night time. Today she cried for 2 minutes. The funny thing is, she totally knows what's going on during the routine. We ask her to say night-night and she says it with such despair and in such a pitiful voice because she knows what it means. But she usually reaches for her crib anyways. I am LOVING the schedule we are on now. When I used to watch the triplets, they were on a very tight schedule (for obvious reasons), and it made the day go faster when I knew what was coming up. Marissa has always set a loose schedule for herself, so it wasn't too bad, but now naptime is at 1, no matter what! Today we went for a looooong walk around the neighborhood, so I'm hopeful that she'll sleep at least 2 hours. The length of her nap doesn't seem to affect her, and it varies so much from day to day.

The only frustrating thing about this new routine is that it's impossible to do when we're at work. All the bedrooms are taken, and I can't/don't want to leave the pack-n-play there for only two days a week to get covered with black dog hairs. I don't know what to do. Nursing her to sleep just doesn't work anymore - she wakes right up when I put her down. And if she's not confined, she won't fall asleep on her own. I guess it's a good thing we'll be done with this job at the end of the year. But until then, I need to figure out a way for Marissa to get her naps in!

Anyways, I really hope that by writing this, I didn't just mess everything up. Lol. But I wanted everyone to know that I haven't been taking naps in her crib with her. Hehe Bye!

Wow

Marissa's vocabulary has already grown in the few days since I came up with that list! Keys, eyes, knee, and boo-boo are among the new additions. It's crazy!

I've been worn out lately. Last Tuesday I started the day by doing two loads of laundry, and two loads of dishes in the dishwasher. Then it was NAPTIME* and I got a shower. Then at 4:15, I found out that we would be showing our house at 6:15 to the realtor-lady who is trying to sell more plots. This couple wanted to see our model, and we have one of very few of this kind in the area. They are mailing us a nice big gift certificate to somewhere for showing it, but holy crap. I've never cleaned anything so fast in my life. We're still unpacking boxes and arranging things, on top of the usual mess of toys and crumbs on the floor. I put everything away, in boxes, drawers, shelves, dresser drawers, etc. Moved boxes out to the garage. Shoved random things into our dresser. Went around collecting trash from every room and hallway. Swept the floors. Vacuumed the floors. Did more dishes. Cleaned the whole kitchen. And I did all that with a toddler clinging to my legs. Lol. Dan came home from work a little early and helped a lot too. So, the house looks amazing right now! But don't open our dresser. Lol. Now we just have to sort all the junk in the dresser, and our house will be amazing, inside and out! I love it even more now, and there's sooo much space! I didn't realize how much room we have, and how much open space there is, because we still had a few boxes sitting around.

*NAPTIME: Holy crap. Well, let me start with the good stuff. I'm in the process of weaning Marissa, but she wants to do it a lot slower than I do. Lol. So we decided it was time for a new bedtime routine. She used to just nurse to sleep whenever she was tired, but sometimes that wouldn't be til 11pm, and it was just really starting to get ridiculous. Also, I wanted her to be able to go to bed on her own before she starts climbing out of her crib, and believe me, she's been trying lately. So we turned bedtime into Daddy-time. At 7:55 (an average of the times she used to just fall asleep on her own), Dan takes her upstairs for a diaper change and pjs. Then they read a book in the glider. Then he puts her in her crib. The very first night she only cried for 3 minutes. So we knew we made the right choice. She's been doing awesome ever since. She still sleeps in til around 7:30-8:30am. It's soooo nice to have the evenings just be adult time. And I'm loving the freedom it's giving me.

But...

NAPTIME. Since Saturday or Sunday (can't remember), naptime has been almost nonexistent. Sunday she slept for a few minutes in the nursery before church (we tried a new church again - Rissa did fine, and I really love the church and it's a lot closer than the other one), and then for a few minutes on Rach's lap in the afternoon. But when we put her in her crib, she was done with sleep. Last Monday at work, she slept for 4 minutes before she woke up crying. And then Tuesday happened. First, let me say that I'm sure most people can understand why I might be losing my patience. At least I hope so. Because I'm a bit embarrassed about what I have to say next. Lol. After lunch, Rissa asked to nurse. Which is fine. That's what she does. She knows when she's tired and ready for a nap. So I nursed her to sleep. But once I put her in her crib, she didn't stay asleep (she used to). So I tried our latest nighttime thing, and just went in her room and told her "I love you, it's time to go night-night. Lay down please" and let her cry for a few minutes to see if it was going to work. When it was obvious it wasn't, I got her out to nurse her back to sleep again (used to work). Only this time she just nursed forever, eyes wide open, playing with my hair. By this time, it was much later than she usually falls asleep, so I knew she was exhausted. So I decided to just put her in her crib (like Daddy does for bedtime) and let her go to sleep. Yeah right! I let her cry for 5 minutes, then went in and told her "I love you, it's time to go night-night. Lay down please" then let her cry for 5 minutes, then went in and told her the line, then let her cry for 5 minutes...you get the idea. I did this for, oh, probably 35 minutes. The funny part was that every time I walked back in the room, she completely stopped crying and her facial expressions were like she hadn't even been crying at all. It almost seemed fake, except for the tears and snot dripping down her face to the crib then onto the carpet. Lol. Finally, I decided it wasn't working (duh) and thought I'd lay down on the floor next to her crib to calm her down. Still crying. At this point, she was completely wiped out, so I knew if I could just get her to lay down, she'd fall asleep. So, silly desperate me, climbed into her crib (don't worry, it was very sturdy and didn't even creak - lol), and held her in a tight bear hug for 15 minutes while I sang to her. Finally, she collapsed. Somehow I managed to extricate myself from her crib without waking her up. I don't think I will be doing that again. But there's got to be a way to get this girl to nap well again!

Thankfully, she's been doing better since then, but it's still a struggle. She's sleeping now, so I'd better get some stuff done before she wakes up!

Yeah, it's been a while.

Well, Marissa had her weight check a few weeks ago now.
A little background info:1 yr - 17 lbs, 10 oz; 15 mo - 18 lbs, 13 oz
So her Dr. wanted me to start her drinking milk and adding olive oil to her veggies (weird) to help her gain weight, even though she's completely fine otherwise, and is developing normally. So she's still rear facing in her car seat, which is killing all of us. Lol. I figured she'd gain a lot because we've also been letting her have dessert a lot more, and she's generally just eating better. Or so it seemed to me.
So...drumroll please...




19 lbs 6 oz

So...still rear facing. Not sure what her Dr. thinks because he wasn't there, we just saw a nurse. But I have a feeling he'll be calling sometime. I don't know if I should be concerned that she's such a skinny mini, or annoyed that the Dr. is so concerned when it's obvious that I'm also a skinny mini.


Moving on...I finally have a few minutes to catch up. We had an awesome time in Chicago a few weeks ago. We left Tuesday morning and Dan had to go to 5 or 6 stores to install printers, and he had to completely set up a brand new store for work. Rissa and I either played with the toys in the stores, took naps in the van, hung out in the hotels, or spent 6 hours in a mall. Lol. It actually wasn't too bad, and Marissa did very well. We managed to time the long drives for during her naps most of the time, so she wasn't too miserable. And we pulled out all the stops for entertaining her when she was awake. Lol. We sang every little kid song imaginable, identified every body part visible, and threw every toy on the floorThursday was the last day Dan had to visit stores, so Thursday evening we went to Ikea right outside Chicago. I felt like the Griswolds going on vacation to Wally World...I was looking forward to it soooooo much, and was soooooo excited to finally see the signs and parking lot. But I actually got to go inside, and it got even better then! Lol. Marissa was asleep, so Dan stayed in the van with her, and I got to completely take my time walking through the whole store. It was amazing. I found about a zillion things I wanted. Once I went through the whole store, I called Dan and he came and I just showed him the highlights and the stuff I wanted. Hehe. We didn't buy anything, but in the spring, once we have a little more money, and the store in Cinci opens...oh boy, watch out! I basically want to furnish our entire house with stuff from there! My favorite thing is the little kids table and chairs. Absolutely perfect.

Friday, we got up and drove into the city, and went to the Museum of Science and Industry. The only reason we went there was so I could see the babies in all the stages of fetal development. Wow. That was just incredible. The rest of the museum was cool too, but Dan and Marissa were doing laps around the place while I studied all the babies. After the museum, we checked into our hotel, The Drake, and the lobby was really fancy. We were kinda disappointed in our room though. For the kind of money we had to spend on it, it wasn't even as nice as our rooms in the Comfort Inn. Lol. It was still cool though, cuz we were right downtown. Dan asked around for a good pizza place, and we walked to it - Gino's East. The pizza was ok, but I'm not really a pizza fan. Dan loved it, but we had to wait 45 minutes for them to just cook it. Geez. Again, we pulled out all the stops entertaining Marissa. Then we walked to the Sears Tower. Yes, walked. 2.5 miles - one way! I don't know how Dan convinced me to do it. Rissa got a nice long nap in the stroller, and I just about died. Once we finally got there, we saw the video at the top. During which, Marissa woke up hysterical (I think the loud movie woke her up) and nothing I did would console her. She was really upset the entire time we were up there, while Dan took a picture from every window - in the dark! Lol. Then we still had to walk the 2.5 miles back to our hotel! Marissa was awake for that walk, and loved every second of it - she just took everything in! We crashed that night!

Saturday, we got up and went to the Lincoln Park Zoo. We met a few guys that Dan knew from college there, and their wives. I had "met" one of them online because she also used to watch the triplets before I did. Weird! They just adopted twin girls from Guatemala who are two days younger than Marissa - they were absolutely precious! We had a great time visiting with them before we had to leave to drive home.

It was a busy little trip, with lots of driving, but it was really nice to get away for a while, and Dan really got to spend a lot of time with Marissa, which I sometimes feel that he doesn't get to do that often.

A week ago Marissa also turned 17 months old! I can't believe it! She is babbling like a maniac these days. I tried to compile a list of all the words she says on a regular basis:
her pronunciation = real word
tee = tv (oops)
boo = spoon
poo = poop (yes, she tells me when she poops! very convienent, but I'm really not ready for potty training!)
tish = tissue
shee = seat (carseat, or booster seat for a meal)
peas = please (she also usually signs it at the same time)
mah = more (she also usually signs it at the same time)
all doh = all done (she also usually signs it at the same time)
tank ooo = thank you
shoes = shoes (definitely her favorite, good grief!)
house = house
bah = ball (also sometimes says bah-bah for ball)
choo choo = choo choo train
baby = baby (another all time fav)
hi = hi
buh-bah = buh-bye
no = no
yesh = yes
puh = cup
ssssss = nurse
Dada = dada
Mama = mama
Ra-ra = Aunt Ra-ra
dee = ding (oven timer)
apple = apple
tash = trash
ell = help
nye-nye = night-night
Cheeeeeeze = cheese (for pictures)
She can also say Grandma and Grandpa, but I forget how she says them, and I think it changes every time we ask her. Lol.

Phew! I'm sure I am missing some of course. She also basically repeats anything we ask her to try. It's sooo cool. I love hearing her voice! Well, most of the time. Lol.

She can also identify her hair, eyes, ears, nose, mouth, lips, fingers, hands, feet, toes, knees, elbows, and belly button.Mealtime has become a circus. Depending on the week, day, or even hour, she might hate a food or love it. They say to watch a toddler's intake by the week instead of the day, and by the week she eats fine, but daily, it's ridiculous!

Ok, moving on...Last Wednesday after work, Marissa and I drove to Indy to visit my roommate from college, Laureann. She just had her baby boy two weeks ago, so I had to see him! He is sooo tiny, and sooo adorable! It was wonderful to hold a tiny baby again, and we had a fun visit til I had to leave late Thursday night. Marissa absolutely LOVED the baby, and said baby every two seconds the whole time we were there. She tickled his toes, rubbed his fuzzy hair, and kissed his head. She even got to hold baby Carter! It was soooo cute. She was so amazingly gentle the whole time. She also did this weird squint/smile when we ask her to give us a smile. She is turning into quite a fun little girl these days.

Well, I'd better run. I smell something funny...Lol.

The computer is still in the basement.

Sorry folks. I still have very little time to get on here. I've been reading sites still, when I get the chance, but commenting just has to take a back seat these days. I was just reading all my subs, and realized that everybody I know is pregnant. I'm so happy for them, because I know how exciting it is. But I'm so frustrated. Because that should be me too. I felt like the timing was perfect, and I had full-fledged BABY FEVER! But apparently God disagreed with the timing. I wish it wasn't such a long process to get on the other side of this. It was almost a month and a half ago when I first thought I was losing the baby. Now that I'm finally over all the stuff related to the D & C (long story), I'm ready to move on. And I want a tiny baby to hold!
Ok, enough of that.

I'm at work right now, and all the kids are supposed to be sleeping. But I can hear the 4 yr old girl wide awake, messing around in her bed. And Marissa is being stubborn and won't go to sleep. Oh well...At least I still get my quiet time.

We've been pretty busy lately. Last weekend my parents came to visit and Dan's parents just left Monday morning after spending the weekend with us. Both weekends were fun, and Marissa did great around all her grandparents, even though she doesn't see any of them very often. When my parents were here, they helped us do a lot around the house that I hadn't been able to get to because of all my issues. The house actually looks pretty good now, although there are still some spots that need help! But it feels sooo good to have it organized and some nice things put up. We got two awesome gates from Babies R Us - one for the top and one for the bottom of the stairs. It makes life soooooo much easier! Definitely worth every penny. And if we forget to close them, she'll even close them for us. Lol

Marissa is so fun and funny these days. She dances around the clock, always pulling out new moves. She's starting to pick up words a lot faster too:

• nurse = sssss
• cup = puh (just the "p" sound)
• baby
• tissue
• Rachel and Ra-Ra - both versions! Aunt Rachel is proud
• Da-da - she was so stubborn for so long and wouldn't say dada, and now she won't stop!
• Gramma = mee-mee
• Grandpa = pa-pa
• bless you = ble-shoe
• shoe
• noooo-ooooo - yes, she finally learned this word. She always says it with multiple syllables too. And her voice goes up at the end. Lol. And she says it as an answer to EVERYTHING. But at least she doesn't always mean it. So when we know she doesn't mean it, I make her say yes.
• yes = yesh
• hot - this comes with a lot of blowing on the food to cool it off - lol
• Hmmm, there's gotta be more. I'll think of them later I'm sure.

She also loves to blow her own nose - over and over again - (when she finds the tissues we hide from her) and then go throw it away in the trash. Only she has to take my hand and lead me to the trash can so I can open it for her. Too funny!

Weight check for Rissa at the Dr. on Thursday...we're really REALLY REALLY hoping to hit the 20 lb mark!

Oh, we bought a comforter for our bed finally! King size stuff is so expensive so we didn't get everything at once. But now it's all done, and it looks beautiful! I can't wait to take a picture to put up on here. Actually, I could almost take pictures of the whole house since it's starting to look like a normal house.

Well, Marissa slept late this morning (8:15 - yay!) but I doubt that was late enough for her to completely skip a nap! Lol. I guess we should try the whole nap thing again. I wonder where she got her stubbornness...

P.S. - anybody else in love with the HGTV show Color Splash? I keep having dreams about seeing the host in our neighborhood or Lowes. But I love that show!

On the bright side...

I thought I'd share a few happy things since my recent posts have been a bit depressing.
Tomorrow is happy 16 months to our big girl! It's hard to believe she's so old already! She has been so much fun and so good lately. She's been content to play by herself or watch The Backyardigans (She loves the show, which has really helped, but she's been watching way too much tv because I've needed her to. At least the show is cute and I can stand watching it too) when I've been stuck on the couch (I've had some issues, nothing huge, just ridiculous, but I'm better now. It's just a bunch of TMI, so I doubt I'll share on here). She also is talking more! She says "ble shoe" anytime anyone sneezes or coughs (I guess they sound the same?) and sometimes repeats her version of "love you" after we say it to her. She is also getting closer and closer to saying Aunt Rachel's name. Although sometimes it ends up sounding a lot like "ble shoe" - lol. This morning she learned how to say "baby" - it's too cute! She looked directly at my mouth when I said it, and repeated it perfectly! So we said it over and over again, pointing to a baby in a book of hers. She is also eating better and better every day. Still picky, but I'll take what I can get!

Today our dresser/mirror got delivered. We bought it together with the bed, but it was back-ordered til today. I love how it looks, but it was a ridiculous ordeal to get it delivered. The delivery guys were late for the time frame they gave us. Then they dented and scratched up the wall by our front door. Then one corner of the mirror is completely rounded and dented. And there is white paint (from our wall of course) on the bottom of the dresser. The guys came back to take pictures of the dents in the wall and their insurance might do something for us. They are going to bring out another mirror for an even exchange. And they said that an SOS pad might get the paint off the dresser, or if it doesn't, the guys who bring the new mirror will have a "stain pen" to color over the paint with the same color stain. Even better, when the guys came back to take pictures of the dents, one of the guys leaned against a corner in our house and scratched his back all over it, leaving the whole corner black. It wiped off, but if it hadn't, I would have REALLY gotten upset! I still really like our bedroom set, but I am NOT pleased with the place we got it from. Oh well, we'll know for next time Once the piles of clothes get put in the dresser, I'll take a picture of our beautiful bedroom set

Well, since I'm finally feeling better, and my neck is almost better (last chiro appt tonight), I suppose I should finally catch up on dishes and laundry. It's been a bit of a disaster area around here since I've been basically stuck on the couch since Saturday evening. Oh, except for church on Sunday. We tried a new church again, and it was awesome, and Marissa did wonderful in the nursery. I was so proud of her, and so relieved. I could barely concentrate during the service, because she did so awful last Sunday. But they didn't even have to call me back to get her, and she came out looking happy and not all puffy from crying. It wore her out, because she completely slept through lunch at a restaurant, which she hasn't done since like 3-4 months old. But this church is about to start a Saturday evening service, which would be awesome I think, because then it wouldn't always be her naptime during church. I think we'll probably try at least one more church that's a little closer, but this place is definitely one I can see us going to long term.

About nursing relating to the surgery...I talked to a pro LLL leader, who said I didn't have to pump/dump or do anything weird after the surgery. She said as long as I was able to hold her, it was safe to nurse her. So we didn't stop (other than while I was gone obviously, but that wasn't any longer than she's gone before) and I'm not planning on weaning any time soon. If she somehow all of a sudden jumps up in weight gain, I may consider it, but I just don't think it's a good idea for her right now. I never thought I'd be one of "those" mothers who nurse this long, but it just happened! Hehe!
Ok, time to get some work done

Healing

The procedure is over and everything went fine yesterday. I feel completely back to normal, except for the weird numbness in my arms and legs. Lol. Marissa did sooooo good staying home with my wonderful friend Susan and her daughter Ingrid (17 months I think). I came home and she wouldn't even give me a kiss she was having so much fun. I was more worried about her having an awful day than me having an awful day! I'm taking it easy this weekend, and it's kinda nice so far. Rissa definitely made up her "mommy time" this evening, but it was great cuz I missed her too.

I'm also feeling pretty good emotionally/mentally. Not sure if I'm actually feeling this good for real, or if it just hasn't hit me yet. Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of sad moments. But Marissa is full of cheer and Dan and Rach are fun and super helpful.

Well, I thought I'd let everybody know that I'm back home and ok. I woke up Tuesday morning and couldn't move my neck, so it's been an interesting few days. My neck is finally feeling mostly better, and hopefully this coming week I can actually get unpacking again and cleaning up around here.

Thank you so much for all the prayers! It was very encouraging and made me so happy!

Short and bittersweet

• I am no longer carrying a healthy baby. Very sad. I came back from vacation expecting and preparing for the worst. But after the ultrasound and heartbeat, I got my hopes back up. Now the heartbeat is gone. Not sure how much it has really hit me yet. Everything went so smoothly with Marissa that I kinda didn't think this could ever happen. Oh well. D & C scheduled for next Friday. Any tips on weaning/not weaning/pumping, etc. (keeping in mind the Dr's worry about Marissa's lack of weight gain) for the surgery are much needed. Moving on...
• The house is wonderful, but it's a disaster area. It is a very slow, but exciting process of unpacking and arranging things.
• We bought a king size bedroom set, and it was delivered Wednesday! We love it! Pictures soon.
• Marissa is diligently practicing for her upcoming (2 yr) birthday already. Wow. Whining, screaming, squealing, biting...we're having a grand time More pictures soon. I know, I've been slacking off. She is finally drinking milk! It took some convincing, but she drinks it out of a sippy with a straw now. Hopefully it will help her gain some much needed weight. She also has been eating a little better. The other day she had 6 chicken nuggets for lunch, among other things. And she ate her first PB&J too She also is well on her way to mastering the use of a fork and spoon. It's so darn cute, and she's so proud of herself. She's actually not too messy either. She is so much fun lately, and so loving. Just what I need these days. She certainly knows how to make her momma happy!
• Rach (my sis) is moving into our extra bedroom this weekend, and will eventually move into the basement once we get it finished. Fun times ahead!
• We finally have internet at our house! I'd been going through xanga-withdrawal. I promise to get back to posting regularly as soon as I can! In the meantime, I will be busy setting up our house and trying to cope with the difficult things ahead.

A few pics

Bubbles!

She loves wearing her necklaces and I love her pigtails!

Family picture on vacation

She loves her spaghetti!

"Cheese!"

We're back, we're homeowners, and I'm PREGNANT!!!

15 months
First of all, happy 15 months to Marissa Lynn! She had her appointment yesterday. She weighed 18 lbs, 13 oz so she STILL has to face backwards in her carseat! The Dr. was a little worried since her percentile dropped from 25% (consistent til 9 months) down to 15% (at 1 year) down to 5% now. So I'll be starting her on whole milk (still nursing of course) and adding olive oil to her veggies (haha that seemed weird to me). We've honestly been trying to fatten her up, but to no avail.
This past week, on vacation, it seems like her language has just shot through the roof! She started saying "cheese" for pictures, all the time! It's hysterical, and I'll try to get a video of it on here. She also says hat (ha-), hot (ho-), hi, mama, tissue (tish-), uh-oh, and Dan claims she said fish and car but we can't get her to repeat them. Lol. Total she says 10+ words, but for the life of me I can't remember any more right now.

Vacation
We spent waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long in the car. We drove 9 hours to NY, spent Thursday night (well, it was daytime before we got there) at my parents house, and drove 6 hours to NH and spent Friday night, then drove 2 hours to Maine Saturday afternoon. Once we got there, it was really really nice to just relax around the cottage, even though it was smaller than we were expecting. It was kinda a hassle to get everyone to the beach with food and baby stuff, etc. so we didn't all go everyday, but Rissa certainly got a good taste of beach life! We got ice cream at Brown's almost every day because they have the awesomest flavor in the country - Chocolate Oreo Mousse! Marissa liked it too. We had planned to drive the 9 hours to NY the following Friday night, only we took a minor detour that added 100 miles to our trip, then drove the last 8 hours home Saturday night. Marissa talked in her sleep on the drive home - it was hysterical! She said "Hi!" which she does alllllllllll the time to everybody, and "Eh?" which she says when someone leaves and she wonders where they went. She even did the hand motions to the "Eh?" - too funny! Sunday we didn't do much except pack a couple boxes. Then Monday...

We closed on our house!
We are gradually moving in all week, but Saturday is the big day! Our house is wonderful! We are going tonight to purchase a washer, dryer, stove, and fridge!
Plus, guess what...

I'm PREGNANT!!!

We found out July 8th, but thought it best to keep it a secret - til now, mainly cuz I can't stand keeping it a secret anymore! Estimated due date is March 12, 2008. That should put the siblings about 23 months apart. Hehe. We're soooo excited! It's kinda good timing because all my maternity clothes are going to be the correct season, but I didn't have all that many (mainly because they were just way too big!) so hopefully I'll get some cute wintery stuff, and fit into my old maternity stuff better this time around, since I hear second pregnancies get bigger faster, and are just bigger in general. Dan is really hoping for a boy, to even things out a bit. Lol. But I don't care either way! It would be kinda nice if we have another girl though, since we have TONS of girly stuff, and all in the right seasons - unless this next baby is a huge chunko! Marissa is still wearing some 9 month clothes at 15 months!

I've been watching Marissa with the baby I nanny for (he's 5 months younger than her), and it's just soooo cute! She gives him hugs and kisses, and brings him toys. She is totally ready for a sibling! Plus, she can do the "shhhh" thing to be quiet if the baby's sleeping, so really, that's the only thing that's necessary. Lol. Except just in the last few weeks, all of a sudden, she's decided that if he even comes near her when she's playing with a toy, she screams and cries like he's about to squash her (which he could very well do, but he doesn't - lol). She has become quite protective of any toy she is playing with. While it's very funny to me, it seems like the end of the world to her, and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it. I could ignore it since it's unnecessary; I could tell her NO for fussing at him; or I could tell him NO for taking her toy. But I don't want to ignore it, and I don't think either of them would understand why I was telling them NO. Plus, neither of them is ready for the whole "sharing" thing yet anyways. I suppose the only good thing that will come out of this is that Marissa will learn to share by the time her sibling arrives, whether she likes it or not!

I would have liked a smaller age difference actually, but I didn't even think about it until it was too late for that. Lol. I feel like this is good though, because Marissa is very much losing her "baby-ness" and she's pretty much hit all the "baby milestones." So we got to enjoy her babyhood, and now it's time for more baby-ness! I'm not nervous about having 2 kids - yet. Since I've been nannying since before Marissa was born, I feel like I can handle a bunch of kids at a time. I'm sure things will be different though, when they're both my own! One thing I already know will be near impossible is taking a shower! Now, I usually wait to take one at night, or put Marissa in a walker-type thing while I jump in really quickly. But I'm not sure I'd be comfortable leaving a baby in a swing/bouncer and Rissa walking around. I can totally see Marissa trying to pick up the baby or something. I'm sure I'll figure something out, and I'm sure every other mother out there has figured something out. But I can't wait!

Another thing I'm nervous about is breastfeeding. Marissa is still nursing quite a bit, and I don't want to wean her, especially right now, unless she starts on her own. She's pretty much night-weaned already, so that's not a problem. But am I really up for tandem nursing? I'm kinda secretly hoping Marissa will wean herself soon, and not demand to nurse even more when the baby comes. But we'll see how things go when the time comes.

My first doctor's appointment isn't until August 7th, but I've already been in to see the doctors and midwives, and I love them! I had some issues while we were on vacation, and I made a quick trip to get things checked out on Monday afternoon (30 minutes before closing). We have a heartbeat, and "it" was measuring 7 weeks 2 days! I'm supposed to take it easy for now, but that's going to be difficult since we're moving! I've been feeling VERY nauseous, most of the time, so I really hope that goes away soon. I really can't eat much cuz I feel so sick, and even when I eat something, it still doesn't make the sickness go away. At least I'm not vomiting everywhere...yet...I'm very excited about this upcoming birth. Since we are moving, and since I want a different kind of birth than last time, I decided to change doctors. If there are no complications during pregnancy, I will be able to give birth in a birthing center, hopefully in a tub!

We had a boy's name picked out, but I changed my mind already. Lol. And if it's another girl, we're in trouble! Marissa was the only name we could agree on last time! Hehe. YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

As a side note, I was extremely frustrated during our vacation. The beach was beautiful, but I couldn't get away from cigarette smoke! Here are some quotes I found online that support my strong opinion on secondhand smoke, especially now that I'm pregnant, and especially since I've already had issues:

"Q: What about other people smoking around the pregnant woman?...A: She has a greater chance of having a baby that weighs too little and may have health problems. So, a pregnant woman should ask her partner, and other people as well, not to smoke near her."

" We have firm evidence that the use of tobacco products by adults(environmental tobacco smoke) increases childhood mortality and morbidity; otitis media, tympanostomy, tonsillectomy, adenoidectomy,asthma, coughs, lower respiratory tract illness, hospitalisations, and deaths... A study, released at a 1996 meeting of the American Association for Cancer Research in Washington, says the compounds associated with second hand smoke can cause genetic damage and may be a prelude to childhood leukemia and other cancers. The study suggests that cancer-causing chemicals in cigarette smoke pass from mother to unborn baby, whether the mother smokes or not..."

And basically this whole article http://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20050727/secondhand-smoke-may-harm-fetus-like-smoking but especially

"...smoking during pregnancy causes genetic damage in the developing fetus that can be detected at birth, but also that passive -- or secondary -- exposure causes just as much damage as active smoking, and it is the same kind of damage..."

Ok, I feel better venting about that now. Grrrrr...

So close!

Well, we had our pre-settlement walk-through of our house - it's all done! I went back Monday after work to make sure they fixed the few tiny little scratches in the paint. Then on July 30th, the day after we get back from vacation, we close! That week we will be buying a washer, dryer, refrigerator, and oven, and the BIG moving day is the following Saturday! I can't believe it's almost here! Yipeeeeeeeeee!!! Last week when we visited the house Marissa had a blast cuz she could finally walk around and I didn't have to worry about splinters, nails, etc. She ran in circles around the kitchen island!

Last Friday, Rach came with me to watch the triplets and Seth for the evening. She'd be dying to meet them, and we had sooooo much fun! They were all so great with Marissa, and Marissa wanted to hold everyone's hand! Too cute! I forgot how much fun that job was and I miss it!

Great story:
While I'm on the computer during the day, I let Rissa roam around upstairs by herself because it's all baby-proofed. She likes to turn the radio on and dance to music too. Well, Friday morning she woke up at 5:55am, I nursed her back to sleep, and then raced back to bed to catch some more sleep before I had to be up at 7:30 to get ready for the meeting at the house. Well, at 6am, I started hearing weird noises coming through the monitor, and it sounded like heavy breathing. Then I heard Marissa start freaking out and crying pretty hard. So I ran into her room, only to discover that while playing the day before, she had set the "ocean sounds" alarm to go off at 6am. Well, of course after that she wouldn't go back to sleep quickly, so I let her cry for a few minutes, and we both went back to sleep. But then she woke up again at 7, so I nursed her in bed with me, and she fell back asleep, but I didn't. So I put her back in bed, and by that time I had to get up for the day. So I only got 6 hours of sleep all night, because I was up late feeling sick the night before. So after the meeting at the house, I was all excited to get home and put her down for a nap so I could catch up on sleep. But wouldn't you know it, I had to get gas, and there was an accident on my way home, so she fell asleep in the car. Then when we got home, I was going to nurse her back to sleep, cuz sometimes she'll do that. But of course, not this time. So I put a children's show on tv, and curled up on the couch and just let her play for a bit. Next thing I knew I woke up to a loud crash, and she had knocked Rach's laptop off the tv tray (she had been typing on it too apparently, cuz a bunch of windows were up - lol). I know I didn't really sleep long, but for the 3-4 minutes I fell asleep, she certainly managed to get into trouble. Lol. She finally went down for a nap after lunch, and I got an hour of sleep then, but I was really out of it all day! I'm so glad Dan agreed to wake up with Rissa this morning, and let me sleep til 10! It felt sooooo good!

Well, I've been trying to pack for vacation and for moving. We've actually gotten quite a bit done. It's very overwhelming though! I'm still working this week (Monday and Wednesday) then Thursday we leave for vacation! Then when we come back, lots of exciting stuff is happening! I know I haven't been updating as much as usual, but once we get back from vacation and start moving, I'll be back in full swing, I promise!

Sleep and food

Well, since I mentioned how Marisas had been taking awesome 2 hour naps lately, she seems to have switched back to the 1 hour double nap thing. Oh well. So I figured I'd try to mess with her night sleeping schedule by bragging about that too. Lol. I still have to nurse her to sleep, which is fine with me. Sometimes if she's stubborn about that, I can cuddle her to sleep instead, and I've been trying to do that more often. But once she's asleep, she sleeps for at least 9 hours straight. She hardly ever wakes up in the night, and if she does, she falls back to sleep immediately after nursing. When she wakes up in the morning, I take her into bed with me, and she nurses half asleep for 15-20 minutes while I wake up more. It's pretty great. Except for the fact that she doesn't go to sleep at night til 10:30-11:00pm. Not exactly sure why, but I still don't think she's quite ready to CIO for an 8pm bedtime. So I guess I'm just a sucker by letting her set her own bedtime. Hehe. Actually, sometimes if she's being really stubborn, I let her cry for 5 mintues or so, and she usually falls asleep pretty quickly. If she doesn't fall asleep within 5 minutes, I try another method. But for now, what we're doing works, and I'm not going to mess with that.

Food, however, is another story. I would like to share with everyone the pickiness of my daughter. The other day this is what I offered her for lunch:

• peaches
• green beans
• pasta/corn/peas (Gerber toddler meal)
• freeze dried corn
• yogurt
• hot dog (tiny pieces)
• baby cereal (we had it leftover from "baby days")
• diced ham
• freeze dried apples
• cheesy rice cake
• baby goldfish
• garlic bread
• tortilla with chicken salad in it

Wanna know what she actually ate for lunch that day? 5 bites of yogurt. 5. Bites. That's it. She usually loves everything else! Some days I just don't understand. But then we just had peas at dinner the other night, and all of a sudden, she ate TONS of peas! Then the next day refused them again. Anybody understand this? Lol. Seriously, this girl is crazy. But we love her

14 months old!

Marissa will be 14 months old on Friday!
She always wakes up around 7:30-8am. Then we cuddle and she nurses for about a half hour. After breakfast around 9:30-10, she plays with her baby and we read her books over and over and over again. She consistently takes a 2+ hour nap every day around 11:30, then we eat lunch when she gets up, around 1:30-2. If it's nice, we walk outside, go to the playground, or go swimming. Sometimes she takes a short nap around 5ish, but it makes her cranky, and she still goes to sleep at the same time, so it doesn't seem to do any good. She stays up waaaay too late. I really can't figure out why. I know I should start to establish a strict bedtime, but she still nurses to sleep, and I don't think she's quite ready for the whole CIO method of toddlers-going-to-sleep. Sometime this summer I will start that though, because I know she needs a better routine, and I'd like for her to go to sleep earlier than 10:30 or 11!

She regularly says these words:

• Uh-oh
• No
• Hi (only at home, never out in public of course - lol)
• Bye
• Tickle-tickle (sounds more like tik tik tik - but it's cute, and she knows exactly what it means)

And loosely imitates:

• Cup
• Ball
• Teddy bear
• Shoes
• Where did ____ (person, cup, ball, baby) go? (with arms outstretched appropriately - lol), then proceeds to look for that object all over the place!

She signs:

• More
• Please
• All done

She knows what the doggy says, and what the cow says, and we're working on duck, birdy, etc.
She does the fish face every time we come to the fish page in her "First Words" book, which happens to be her favorite (while I'm trying to type this, we're on the 4th time of this book, and she gets mad at me every time I stop!)
She loves Peek-a-boo, but if we're not paying enough attention and say it right away, she says it for us, only it sounds more like "tod-ul-da" - it's pretty cute!

Yeah, I know she's supposed to have more words by now, but she seems to be soooo close to lots of words, and she completely understands everything we say to her. So I'm not worried. Yet

The other day, Dan, Rach, and I were all sitting in different spots in the living room, and Marissa was playing on the floor. We took turns asking her to "Give Daddy a kiss" "Give Aunt RaRa a kiss" and "Give Mommy a kiss", with random people saying it each time, and EVERY TIME she went directly to the correct person to give them a kiss. It was too funny.

All this to say, we are completely and utterly enjoying every new thing she throws at us! She is hilarious to watch and interact with, and such a joy (I accidentally just typed "job" instead of "joy" - she is a handful too!). I love my girl!

Whew...lots to catch up on:

L's house
Last weekend (before our 2nd anniversary) Marissa and I visited L, who is 23 weeks pregnant. She is a nanny for four kids in her house, so I tried to help out a bit, and Marissa played with the kids. We had a really fun time, and it was good for Marissa to be around kids her own age and have a change of scenery with the toys! It made me realize how much I miss the triplets and Seth though, and I came to the conclusion that I love multiples. A bunch of kids the same age is just so much fun! Heehee...

Our 2nd anniversary
Rach took Marissa for the evening, and Dan and I went to Brio (like Bravo, our V-day tradition) for dinner and dessert. It was wonderful, and so nice to spend some quality time just the two of us.

Swimming!
We finally went swimming in our apartment complex's pool. The water was a little cold, but we had fun re-introducing Marissa to the water. I don't think she cared either way last summer, but so far this summer she is loving it!

Our house!
They are moving so quickly on our house! We went to see it last night, and half of the siding is up, all the brick is up, and all the drywall is up inside! It's so cool to finally be able to picture it better, since we had never seen an actual model of our floorplan. It should be ready for us to move in around the middle of July!

Marissa
Marissa is changing into a toddler more and more every second! The other day she put her baby in her highchair, and just this afternoon at work (while everyone else was sleeping) she was pretending to feed a baby pretend food out of a bowl, using a spoon! I thought the whole "pretending" thing didn't happen til much later! She is also beginning to throw little tantrums more often. While I still have a hard time not laughing, I absolutely refuse to give in now. Hmm, I just looked at this milestone chart (link) for 13-18 month olds. I know all kids vary so much in the timing they acheive different milestones, but it's still very interesting to me. Marissa is doing a lot of things that are "advanced skills" like saying 'shhhh' (15 mo), pushing/pulling toys while walking (14 mo), taking clothes off by herself (16 mo), dancing (17 mo), kicking a ball (17 mo), and especially being finicky about food (16 mo - wait, that's a milestone??? Lol); "feeds doll" is an emerging skill for 17 months, and "discovering the joy of climbing" is around 16 months; but she doesn't do some of the "mastered skills" like using more words skillfully. Well, I guess she sorta says "hi" "bye-bye" and "yeah." But I kinda just guess that's what she's saying.
Oooops, I almost forgot to mention that she has picked up the word "NO" - she doesn't say it often, but usually repeats it after I just said it to her! She also said it to the 8 month old at work today when he tried to take the toy in her hand. It's funny to see her asserting herself like that.
She gets her shoes and brings them to me if she wants to go outside. She also gets her shoes and her cup if I ask her to, which I think is very cool, especially if I'm being lazy. Lol, just kidding She is still nodding 'yes' to almost every question we ask her, but every once in a while she'll shake her head 'no.'
Her next top front teeth are very close to coming in. She has at least one finger in her mouth at all times, which creates a nice little waterfall of spit dripping down to her elbow. Haha.
She is consistently taking one nap a day, and it lasts anywhere from 1.5 to 2.5 hours! Finally, I get some time to myself! When she used to only sleep 45 minutes at a time, it was so hard to get anything done. I love naptime!

For some reason, she loves to lift up her shirt/dress to rub her belly...and I caught her picking her nose (and eating it) while we were walking around our house - lol.

New developments...

As a new mom, I've had to make waaaay too many choices, most of which I never expected. I have chosen to nurse Marissa on demand. Whenever she whimpered, whenever she woke up, whenever she needed to sleep, and (especially now) whenever she asks by lifting up my shirt (we're working on a better way for her to tell me she wants to nurse - lol). I decided that she would make her own schedule, even if it was always different, and I didn't want to only nurse her every 4 hours, or whatever. Also, everyone always said not to nurse older babies to sleep (8-9 months) or they'll always need to nurse to get to sleep. But I've just always done that. And most people assume you're supposed to wean a baby at 1 year old, but I decided I wanted to exercise child-led weaning - let her decide when she's done (mostly - but I will eventually set limits), not me telling her she's done.

Lately, however, Marissa has transformed herself from an easy-going baby into a adventurous, daring, contented toddler. She completely forgets about nursing these days, especially if we're out doing something like taking a walk, or at work. There's too much stuff to do and play with! She doesn't want to sit still enough to nurse (not that she sits still to nurse anyway!). It just happened suddenly, too. One day she was nursing every spare second just cuz she was bored, and the next day, I had to convince her it was time to nurse! My baby girl isn't a baby anymore! And at night, I usually nurse her to sleep. But lately, just as I'm getting ready to move her sleeping body from my lap to her crib, she wakes back up again. For a while, she used to fight it, so when I put her down, she'd start screaming. But now, even if she's awake the whole time I walk up the stairs, once I put her down, she curls up on her side, and lays there quietly until she falls back asleep! It's pretty wonderful. And it makes me feel good to know that the choices I made for her have worked so well for us as a family so far.

She is climbing everywhere - all by herself, with no help! I can't catch her fast enough most of the time either. I let her sit on the couch and futon, but the coffee table and the push/ride-on toy are definitely off limits! I'm amazed at her balance on the push toy though - she hasn't fallen YET! She thinks she's so cool sitting on the couch and futon.

So because of this new ability she has discovered, I've had to really start enforcing "NO!" - and she does NOT appreciate it! Haha. It's quite funny (for now at least), but I try not to let her see me laughing For the first 5 times I tell her no and remove her from the situation, she just ignores me and goes right back to what she was doing. After that though, she crumples to her knees and refuses to stand or walk, then crawls back to what she was doing. It takes quite a few times before she'll realize she's not going to win, and find something different to do. I have a feeling I won't find it funny for much longer. Lol.

She is also a dancer! Anything that makes music, she will push the buttons over and over and over again. She walks or marches in a circle while swinging her arms, but when the music stops, she goes back to turn it back on! This can also be done while holding her baby by the feet. It's too funny. It's so amazing to see her personality just explode lately. She's pretending with babies and kitchen toys too.

Oh, and the most awesome thing she does...KISSES galore! Just mention the word, and she puckers up to whoever she sees, even if they're across the room! She'd give kisses probably all day if she could. I just love it!

*EDIT* I almost forgot to mention - we finally bought Marissa a new car seat - the Britax Boulevard. Dang, why are they so expensive?!?! It's a good thing she's worth it! Too bad she still has to be rear facing for 3 more pounds. Lol. I'm hoping to go to the police/fire station tomorrow to get them to inspect it (or just install it for me?). Very complicated! But cool looking, and super safe!

I really don't like blogger...

We are planning a 1st birthday party for Marissa soon. She will be 1 in 7 days. And she just started walking! It's so exciting, and so much fun to watch her grow and learn new things. I am interested in babies, nannying, breastfeeding, and most other "mommy" topics, if anyone ever wants to chat. I guess that's all I have to say right now. I'm off to bed!